Monday, April 23, 2018

We Are Not Your Cup Of Tea, And That's Fine

I don't speak much, I don't show emotions. It doesn't mean that I don't see, it doesn't mean that I don't feel. 

Side comments hurled at me so insensitively were casually shrugged off for I hate confrontations. But my silence doesn't mean I agree, it doesn't mean my acknowledgement. I just keep my mouth shut because I have learned that winning doesn't always mean defending yourself or making your point across. But callous words can cut too. There had been many times that these hurtful words made me weep, inside... quietly. If the goal was to break me, there, I have let the truth out. Your words were passageway to what your heart deeply contains. And that is how I know that we are not your cup of tea. 

You think I was oblivious of the disdain? I saw my children grew up at the receiving end of this disdain too. Scorned at, labelled, looked upon with haughty contempt as if they were children of the damned. At an early age I was teaching them the art of letting go in hopes that their hearts would not harden. But in their innocence, they can tell they have always been disliked. And that is how I see that we are not your cup of tea.

Was it because we have always been unconventional from the start? Our ways inscrutable because we do not choose to bare out our mysterious selves? Were our actions always regarded as wrong, evil, motivated by selfish reasons? Have we been condemned? Are we such disgusting creatures damned from the beginning? Were we not capable of kindness just like everyone else? Were we just waiting for this time to come when we'd finally give in and stay where we were being pushed away? Does it conclude that we do not belong?

Perhaps we don't but it's no use assessing that now. I realised that judgement had been passed a long time ago. We were just stubbornly ignoring even though it has been hurting and cutting us deep.

We were being pushed out for a long time now and it is getting exhausting. If my silence was my strength, then perhaps this time I am crumbling. I've been holding out against a strong current for quite a while and my arms are giving in. Maybe, it is time to finally let go. I have lived with the knowledge that we are not, were never, and never will be your cup of tea. And that is fine. Let's end the battle here. I succumb. Now there's no need to push us away because we are already here where you want us to be. Is this what would make everyone happy? Is this your victory? Then so be it.

We are not your cup of tea, and that is fine...

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