Monday, August 1, 2016

Be Kind



Forgive me if you'd find the following article to be "melodramatic" for your taste but I just feel the need to share my thoughts which had been nagging me over the weekend. This is the emotional side of sassy girl which she had probably acquired from experiences - and from watching too much drama films especially attributed to My Rosy Life - oh why can't I forget you?

Photo source here
This post is not about My Rosy Life though - hehehe. It's about my thoughts on the very famous quote - 

Short, powerful, crisp but overflowing with meaning.

How exactly does it work? I am trying to figure it out myself...

Sometimes we'd meet people who are ambitious and competitive. I don't mind that. We need ambitions and competition is good. I admit, I had my own share of being ambitious and competitive and admit it or not, our prayers and actions are often for our own selves - that we get this, that our loved ones get that. 

There is nothing wrong with that, although of course there are criteria to consider. But if what we generally want (a) doesn't deprive other people and (b) was out of good motives, then there is nothing wrong with praying for one's self. I personally think, however, that this alone would not ultimately satiate our inner-peace. Often times, the moment that we receive what we wanted, we soon forget about the blessing we just had and begin looking for more.

  How about if we explore the other side - that is praying for others and doing things for them? This is one of those easier-said-than-done things on my list especially when it's something that's to your own detriment. This was exactly the struggle I had experienced last year which had been the core source of my depression.

At the beginning of this year, several of us applied to get a promotion at work and with my good stats and KPIs, I "believed" I had a good chance. So the blow was really devastating when I didn't get the position - the expectations from people around you, the disappointment, the embarrassment, all these negative emotions - but the financial impacts were icing on the cake.

I accepted the news bitterly. Outside, I was like "oh, who cares?' with a flip of my hair. I was literally what Mariah Carey described in her song ~ "So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry"
~ Mind you, it's not always boyfriends who cause the biggest heartaches hehehe.

Anyway, I have tried different perspectives to boost my confidence up again. The famous ones were:
  • This isn't your time to shine yet
  • You will end up worse if you got the promotion
  • What doesn't kill you will make you stronger
  • When one door closes, another one opens
and so forth...

While those are true, none of them actually worked. I only got more bitter because I thought I was unjustly denied the opportunity. And then I looked from a different perspective.
  • It could be someone else in my shoes suffering the heartache I was going through

~ and then I thought of my colleagues who got the roles.They were people who have done nice things to me, friends I have shared moments with. I am sulking about the blessing that was given to them. I was coveting their happines. Slowly, I started to calm down and believe it or not, I eventually was able to be happy for them. It didn't suddenly disappear, but it did. I was crying very badly over the spilled milk that I didn't realise I could actually get by with the milk that's still in the fridge - if you get what I mean hehehe.

I looked at things in a deeper way and slowly understood what had caused my bitterness. In my mind I convinced myself that I needed this promotion more than they do. All of them probably had better financial status than me and so on and so forth. But that's just the fa├žade. We all had reasons for putting in that application. Maybe, others really needed (and deserved) the promotion more than I do. In fact, I still thrive even without it.

This was the same lesson I learned in church during the weekend. I have learned that what we see is not always what we get. Happy people we meet everyday could actually be just temporarily forgetting about the pain he's going through. Or the person we have branded as troublemaker was actually just lonely and is seeking for attention.

I have problems. But I learned that other people have problems too. My very jolly friend's father is dying from cancer. My very tough friend has not seen her husband in 9 years. This well-off couple has problems with their newborn son. The girl that was always teased for being plump had to leave her sick mother in Sydney to go back to her family in the Philippines. A guy who is hopelessly involved in an unrequited love affair. Couples who have spent a lot of money in hopes of seeking a good life in Australia but failed. A friend who's worried she might have health problems. When I learned about these people's battles, I realised that there were people who need help and prayers more than I do.

The world is already filled with people suffering from all sorts of problems and trials. We don't need to add fuel to the fire with petty bickering, talking behind people's backs and putting people's feelings down. What we need is a minute spent in listening, understanding and empathizing. What we need is a little bit of kindness. For when we show kindness, we never knew if we're actually helping people be a little bit stronger in fighting their battles, we never knew if we're actually giving hope to someone who's thinking about ending his life. Try to forget about ourselves for a few minutes and put someone on the pedestal where we want ourselves to be. Hopefully, in the process, we might also help ourselves overcome our own battles.

And that's my 2 cents...

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