Today Is A Day Filled With Gratitude

Friday, June 26, 2020

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I have been preparing myself to face the worst today but I was blessed with yet another unexpected gift... again. I'm beyond thankful because no one will believe when I tell them this is a miracle. But I know my capacity and I can tell anyone in all honesty that it wasn't I who did it. So I wouldn't want people to tell me, good job, or you did it because I couldn't accept that. I just want to give the credit to where it is due, and that is thanks be to God. I am not deserving of this, in terms of either ability or attitude (hehe).

I do not want to rant even if it might sound like so if I retell now how extremely difficult a journey the past half year had been. Imagine going back to full time work after more than a year of hiatus from maternity leave. Plus my not-so-ordinary toddler still keeps waking me up at night, not just once if I may add. Sleepless and rusty, my brain is far from well functioning and in fact I forget a lot of my daily tasks. Not to mention that my baby is clingy like glue which left me with no time for myself at all.

To say the least, the past half year, I had to let go of a lot of things but personal time was icing on the cake. Not that I had much to begin with. But I had to let go of this remaining "luxury" because of responsibilities. That is what made this journey so difficult to bear and I could no longer remember how many times I broke down. I was so burnt out. And whenever I did, I was far from the deserving person. It was more like a mad kind of break down. So, was I deserving in terms of attitude? Far from it. In fact, I was too embarrassed to even pray about it.

So today I am reminded that I was merely graced with mercy despite the despicable me. This good news was for the neverending heartaches I had been through the past half year. So thankful 😭 all my tears paid off after all 😭 Only 2 to go, willing.

Thanks be to God because the things I let go, he gives back tenfold.
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