Monday, April 8, 2019

Dear Diary

I just have to write this significant memoir down before I rest. Today is the third day of Thanksgiving. I was excited for this day however I fell ill from exhaustion. It's been days of little sleep plus it's been cold and rainy. Alas, my body gave in.

I tried to sleep as much as I could. Sleep while the baby sleeps, they said. I had to take this privilege today or I won't survive. Ever since I had the baby, I felt like I have aged 10 years. Everything should be done in a rush. But it's all worth it I do tell myself as I look at her peaceful face in slumber.

Thank God, although I am sick today, it wasn't a bad day at all. Darla ate well. She liked the squash and minced pork cooked by Daddy which was very good news to me. Daddy is equally tired if not more, but he still did everything needed to be done. After Darla's big meal, we both took a long nap.

In the afternoon, the girls had to fold the clean clothes. Again, Daisy made a ruckus complaining about all sorts of things. I have figured out even before that she just wanted to avoid the chore. Initially, I got disappointed again and thought she's being lazy. The only thing different today was that I have found a solution.

Demi could fold all the clothes by herself. She doesn't mind. She actually enjoys it while listening to music. I told Daisy she could wash the dishes for her Ate in return. She also volunteered to put away the clothes her ate folded. And then without me telling, she went ahead and washed the dishes on the sink. No, she wasn't lazy at all. She just didn't like folding clothes which is normal. She's just like being everybody else who prefers some chores over another. This dilemma is finally over.

After Demi has finished folding the clothes, Darla and I went inside their bedroom so she could play with her Ates' dollhouse. When I entered their bedroom, as usual, I caught her flipping the paper she was drawing on so I couldn't see it. We talked about things while Darla played. Then out of nowhere, she hugged me from behind. I was elated that I didn't mind when she told me I had flabby belly (the nerve!). Demi is like me, she isn't very showy so she has to mask her hug by saying she just wanted to feel my flabby belly hahaha. She's just being sassy and it runs in the blood. All I care about is that one gesture of affection that I was so hungry for especially since my nearly teenager is starting to become very independent.

After that, when I left Darla with her Daddy so that I could take a warm shower, I heard Daisy fussing in the toilet. I decided to take a few minutes to see what's going on and found her crying while changing her pads. She is so furious because her period feels like forever. I helped her put on her pad wiped away her tears and hugged her while saying "It's okay, it's just part of growing up." She said, "I don't want to grow up. Growing up means we will all die." I said, "Then we will go to heaven and meet there. There will be no more periods in heaven." That seemed to settle her still very much child-like mind. Then I gave her a towel and told her to shower. It would help her relax.

Tonight, even though I still feel unwell, I am happy inside. I linger on these thoughts and savour the wonderful feelings. Sometimes, I always rush that I no longer know what's going on with my children's lives. I should take a few minutes now and then to connect more with them and I hope I could keep this up. It is these little moments that deserve to be etched on my memoir. These are the memories I would like to remember and share with my husband and children when we all get older someday, God willing.

And now, with exhausted eyes, I sign off and say good night...

Monday, February 18, 2019

The Painful 17th Year

It's a bit late but here it goes, the memoirs of the 17th year. Just as I expected, when things go smoothly and easy, it is wise not to linger in the moment but be prepared for something unpleasant. I am a pessimist by nature but it is also logical. Change is inevitable. It can not always be peace, calm, happiness and all things nice.

Something drastic left a big wound that for a long time would not fully healed. Doubt and hate, both inside and outside me, I have seen the ugliness. For a long time I would wonder what lies behind a person's smile... for the heart truly can be deceitful.

But thank God, it's over now. I realised that no one is perfect. We are not made of absolute black or white, darkness or light. We all have beauty and fault. How we react on things is what defines us. And it made me understand that when someone hates me, I don't have to feel hatred too.

Monday, January 28, 2019

Darla's First Beach Experience 

It was a long and agonizing trip of trying to stay awake and not get car sick but I was glad we went anyway. When I found out that Bundeena Beach was 1 hour and a half away, I almost backed out because travelling with a baby was never easy. I was gonna tell my husband to go to Cronulla instead, as it was closer, but our friends were going to Bundeena too. I could only hope that she would sleep through the journey although I knew that it was just wishful thinking. Knowing Darla, she doesn't like sleeping under everyday ordinary circumstances. I can tell she would be particularly awake for this new experience.

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Until I See You Again

I remember about 6 months ago, the feeling of excitement as we anticipate the coming of my parents to Australia. It was the first time that they will see my 2 girls again after 6 years plus it's the first time that they will meet the newest member of the family, our dear Darla. In a few hours, their visit is about to end and I can't help but feel a little sad. I can feel my sentimental side looking back to the beginning and it's incredible how such a short time could hold big developments.