12 Years

Saturday, February 15, 2014

12 years of peace... of being sure where I stand, of having contentment in my faith, of receiving gifts and blessings beyond my expectations, of being showered with limitless wisdom.

Within these 12 years, I have witnessed His care and generosity even though I myself doubt my own worthiness. It was whenever I least expect it that I receive His blessings, rescue and all the other things encompassed in His love. Looking back, within those 12 years are countless occasions I am and forever will be thankful for.

To start with, Daisy finally got a slot in pre-school. This might seem petty for others but it is a big deal for me as everything that concerns my children is.

Simultaneous to this good news is that just a few days before my birthday my contract at work, which would expire by the end of this month, has been extended. I know my work at present is a real challenge to me but if this is where God wants me then I know I will just have to trust Him that despite my inabilities, I shall make it.

Before that, I am also thankful for having this job in the first place. I never expected it. Just when I was on the verge of giving up, I had this job.

Then there is having moved to our present house and becoming independent. And before that, living in my relatives’ house who generously provided their shelter while we were in the process of settling down in this foreign land as well as brothers and friends who had been there for us. And then being given the means to finally enjoy this new country that I thought I would never fit in.

To be able to migrate to this country in the first place is one thing I am most grateful for. Having seen the struggles of other people and experienced them myself I realised that the success to getting approved lies not entirely in our own efforts but still in His will.

Also, for the good life we have left in the Philippines. Simple yet valuable: Good job, good friends, quality time with family, opportunity to do things I love like blogging, crafts. And despite the modest wages, to be able to send my eldest daughter in school and live contentedly within the means.

Then there was surpassing the great trial I have had with my family especially my parents. The struggle to prove my worthiness to His words "that he that loveth his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me," to overcome the agony of being helpless about the situation and just letting it all go in His hands. It had been a 3-year anxiety but nevertheless, He ended my emotional suffering recently and made my relationships easier.

Further back, there was saving me from the dark ages of my life when I thought only death could free me. And more than rescuing me, He blessed me with a good husband and a beautiful child. Eventually He taught me the act of forgiveness and the realisation of His words "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" by forgiving myself and the person that became my enemy.

And within these 12 years, I am also grateful for the youthful experiences of being able to graduate in college despite the very tight finances. To be able to review for the PH CPA board exams for free and then passing it in one take. To have not experienced the difficulties in getting my very first job wherein I stayed for 5 years and have had second parents among the partners. And then to land in my second job because of my first job, which also became a second family.

But perhaps the utmost reason I am thankful for is to have been called into His church despite growing up with different views that are unpleasant in His eyes. It was 12 years ago when I have first watched His instrument preacher in television and expressed self-righteously that to each his own. 12 years ago when I just listened passively to His words until the truth finally sank into me and then I and my whole family had been baptised. That was this day, 12 years ago.

And I guess I have to thank Him as well for taking care of my life until I found Him. Also for the yesterdays I borrowed which led me to here and now.

And so on this special day, I don't want to ask for anything. I will just simply lay it all in His hands and say, God, for everything including the trials and difficult times, thank you. I will forever be grateful.

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